/zest/ for life

25. How I Met Everyone Else S03 E05 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Barney: A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she’s this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line. Also known as the ‘Vickie Mendoza Diagonal’. This girl I dated. She played jump rope with that line. She’d shave her head, then lose 10 pounds. She’d stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

26. Ducky Tie S07 E03 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Robin: Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months commuting back and forth to Hoboken to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant he doesn’t even like so he can win a bet he hadn’t even made yet? Yeah, the whole thing stinks. 
Marshall: No, it’s not possible, okay? I was the one who said let’s go to Shinjitsu.
Barney: [sneezes]
Marshall: Bless you. How could Barney have…you brilliant bastard. It’s all so obvious now. For the past, oh, I don’t know how long, five years, every time I’ve said, “Let’s go to Shinjitsu”, you’ve sneezed. Every time. And little by little, you forged the association in my brain. When you were sick for a week last year, I had Shinjitsu like six times. 

27. The Playbook S05 E08 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Barney: Step one, tell a meddlesome female friend. Step two, run a play on one of her co-workers, making her so angry she steals the playbook. Step three, put on the scuba-suit and tell her you’re going to do one more scam called the ‘Scuba Diver’ on the hot girl standing by the bar. Your friend, let’s call her Lily, goes and talks to the girl and tells her everything about the Playbook. Now, here’s where it gets tricky. When Lily and the girl ask what the ‘Scuba Diver’ is, take off your mask, give them some spiel about your deep-seeded insecurities, which don’t really exist because let’s face it, you’re awesome. Feeling bad for you, Lily talks you up to the girl who then agrees to go get coffee with you. And it is on. 
Lily: You son of a bitch

28. The Pineapple Incident S01 E10 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Carl: And how did you guys like the shots?
Ted: I drank all five, bitch!

29. Monday Night Football S02 E14 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Lily: Well, at least the commercials aren’t ruined
Marshall: Wings are still good
Robin: Beer still works
Ted: Ah what the hell, let’s watch Barney lose some money

Ted: And here’s the funny part, as unforgettable as that superbowl was, here it is 23 years later. And I don’t remember who won, you know, I don’t even remember who played. What I do remember, is that we drank beer, we ate wings, and we watched the superbowl together. Because sometimes, even if you know how something’s gonna end, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride. 

30. False Positive S06 E12 ll  30 How I Met Your Mother episodes (x)

Lily: I´m pregnant
Barney: I´ve never seen that woman before in my life!… Sorry, force of habit. Congratulations!